


Flower Crowns

by MsDizzyDahlia



Series: Fem!Sides Super AU [9]
Category: Cartoon Therapy (Web Series), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Daya just wants her friend to be happy, Flashbacks, Gen, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of Death, Not in this one at least, Poor baby doesn't know what she did wrong, Tamsin has a mental breakdown over a flower crown, don't worry no one actually dies, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27657752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDizzyDahlia/pseuds/MsDizzyDahlia
Summary: Daya makes a flower crown for Tamsin
Relationships: Dr. Emile Picani & Thomas Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Series: Fem!Sides Super AU [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907026
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Flower Crowns

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter warnings: Flashbacks, anxiety, mental breakdowns, mentions of death

Daya didn’t know a lot of things. She didn’t really mind that, seeing as she was only around seven, and therefore had a lot more time to learn them. But one thing she did know was that she loved her family. She loved her old parents, even though they had put them up for adoption. Her moms said that they had done it for a good reason anyway. 

She loved her sisters, who were always right by her, ready to back her up whenever she needed them. She loved her new moms, who gave her everything she could ever want and made sure she was always happy. She loved Tamsin, who played with her and her sisters all day long, whenever they asked, and was so creative, always coming up with the best ideas!

Daya didn’t really know how to express her love. Her old parents had never been very affectionate, though they did always tell her that they loved her. Her sisters all had their ways of showing their affection, but none of those felt right. And her new moms and Tamsin had a lot of love to give to her, and were very physically affectionate, but Daya didn’t feel like that was a good enough way for her to show these people just how much she loved them.

So how did she express her affection? She made flower crowns. Pamela had taught her how to on their very first weekend with one another as a bonding activity. And she had fallen in love with them instantly. How could anyone not? They were so pretty, and you wore them on your head and you could make them whenever you wanted! All you needed were a few flowers, and really, who wouldn’t want one?

So she started making them for her sisters. She had figured out their preferred color schemes really quickly, though she did like to experiment around with it a bit. Then she had made some for her moms. They didn’t really care what colors their crowns were, they wore and cherished them just the same. Then she had made some for all the other women in their house, and finally, she had made more for herself. 

But unfortunately, flowers die, no matter what, the crowns she made for her family didn’t last. Lola had made a point to preserve all of her favorites, and so she still had her shelf full of them, but it was still sad whenever she saw a flower crown wilt. Because she had worked hard on them, and given them to someone else, and then they died.

The others insisted that it was fine, they could always make new ones, and they were right, so she never stayed too sad about them for too long. But there was always a small feeling of disappointment whenever she saw a wilted flower crown in a trash can or in a compost pile.

Right now she was outside in Mommy’s garden. She never made crowns out of the flowers out here, she didn’t want to mess it up. The flowers she used were always store bought, but being surrounded by the pretty colors always made her a bit happier. At the moment, she was carefully weaving a crown for Tamsin. It had been a while since she had made one for her, and that felt unfair to Tamsin. She had red carnations, a flower she didn’t know the name of but was a pretty bluish gray color, and daisies. She knew how much Tamsin loved daisies.

Tamsin was having a bad day, that was obvious. Her sisters were all trying to cheer her up, and it was working, to some extent. Tamsin was laughing with them and smiling, but it was more tired than when she usually laughed and smiled. They didn’t know what was wrong, they just knew that Tamsin had come downstairs for breakfast looking more tired than she usually did, barely gave anyone any sort of greeting, and just sat down at the table, eating silently. Mom had been giving her concerned looks all morning.

Just a couple more flowers… aha! There! The flower crown was completed. She liked the way it looked, the red really stood out among the lighter flowers, which was what she had been hoping for. She stood up and brushed herself off, before gently picking up the flower crown and walking towards Tamsin. This would make her feel better, she was sure! Mommy always said that she had a talent for cheering people up.

Pryce saw her coming first, and smiled when she saw the flower crown. Pryce and Andy followed her gaze, and Tamsin did as well, a small, somewhat fake looking smile on her face. Daya walked towards her slowly, and looked up at her friend, taking in her appearance. Tamsin’s eyes were red and puffy, as if she’d been crying, and she had bags under her eyes, as if she’d stayed up all night. On top of that, she was wearing her comfort hoodie. Mom had given it to her for when she was feeling sad, so she must really be feeling bad today.

“Hey Daya.” Tamsin said. “Whatcha got there?”

Daya held up the flower crown. “I made this for you.” She said, making her voice cheery. The small smile on Tamsin’s face dropped. Her face paled several shades, and she sat there, staring at it in silence. The moment stretched out, and it felt like an eternity even when, realistically, it was probably only a few seconds. Daya began to get nervous. Did she not like it? Did she get something wrong? Did it look weird? Some of Daya’s earlier flower crowns did kind of have a weird shape, but no one had ever had a problem with it before! Did she not like the colors?

Finally, Tamsin spoke. “Th-thank you Daya.” She said, forcing a smile onto her face. “It-It’s lovely.” Her voice was shaky. She reached out to take the flower crown, and Daya noticed that her hands were shaking almost violently.

Daya wilted a bit, feeling disappointed. She didn’t like it. “It’s okay. You don’t have to take it if you don’t want it.”

Tamsin shook her head jerkily. “N-no, I want it. It-it looks r-really good.”

“Okay…” Daya said suspiciously. Tamsin gently lifted the crown out of Daya’s hands and stared at it like it was going to jump out and attack her. She looked to her sisters, who all shrugged. Teal and Andy probably knew what was going on with her, but they wouldn’t say. Her sisters didn’t share what went on inside peoples’ heads when they subconsciously read peoples’ minds out of respect for their privacy. 

“I-I’m going to go inside now, okay?” Tamsin offered another shaky smile. “S-see you guys later.” She stood up suddenly, and bolted back into the house.

Daya slumped down. “I did something wrong, didn’t I? I was trying to make her happy but…” She trailed off, her eyes stinging a little bit, and she could feel tears well up in her eyes. “I just wanted to cheer her up…” She sniffed once. What had she done wrong?

~

The flower crown felt like a weight in her hands. Much too heavy for something that was woven out of flowers. She knew that Daya didn’t know, and that she had only been trying to help, but even just looking at the flower crown made her want to vomit. It had taken a few moments for her to realize why.

Last night… she hadn’t been able to fall asleep. Every time she tried, she’d be jerked awake by a dream about the accident. For the next few minutes, all she’d be able to see were the flashing blue and red lights, her parents’ dead bodies still sitting behind the shattered windshield, their blood being spilled across the bouquet of daisies her father had gotten her mother only that morning. She’d calm herself down to a reasonable level, and then she’d try to go back to sleep, telling herself it was just a dream, and the cycle would start all over again.

She was exhausted, staying up all night with hardly any sleep would do that to a person, and maybe that’s why today of all days that exact mix of flowers had triggered her. But it felt like there was a bit more to it. Daisies had been her mother’s favorite flower, she had liked their simplicity. Plus her name had matched theirs, and she always made jokes about them that her father pretended to hate. 

After she had passed, daisies had become Tamsin’s favorite flower as well. She had refused to let the accident ruin that for her, and they reminded her of her mother.

The red carnations mixed with the daisies looked far too much like blood. That was what had set her off, she was sure of it. The red clashing against white, the red blood spilling on the white flowers. She climbed up the stairs hurriedly, just barely managing to slow herself down enough so that she wasn’t running. She passed Emily as she went, who sent her a concerned, questioning look. She ignored it.

Once she was at the top of the staircase, she began running again. She ran down the hallways, not paying attention to who she passed, until she reached her bedroom, and entered as quickly as possible, slamming it shut behind her.

She walked over to her desk as calmly as she could and set the flower crown there before sitting down on her swivel chair. She set her head down on the smooth surface of the desk and wrapped her arms around her head, gritting her teeth and trying not to cry. It had been years since this all happened, shouldn’t she be over this? She was on the verge of a panic attack, she could feel it. Her breathing started to speed up, but she fought to keep it level, going through all of the different breathing exercises Emily and Virgo had taught her, before cautiously looking back up at the crown.

She studied it carefully, noting that it was indeed a very pretty mix of colors. She just couldn’t deal with it today, either due to her sleep deprivation or… something else. She glanced up at the calendar hanging above the desk, and froze. May fifteenth had been circled in bright red sharpie. All the days before it had been crossed out, which meant… she whipped out her phone to check. Yep, it was May fifteenth. Okay okay okay. That explained why the dreams had come back with such a vengeance. Probably also why she reacted as poorly to the flower crown as she did. Today officially made it six years since her parents’ deaths.

She heard someone knock on the door and whirled around, her heart speeding up despite knowing that whoever it was probably just wanted to help. “Who is it?”

“Tamsin?” Oh, it was Emily. “Sweetheart are you okay? You ran past me in the halls with a flower crown with a very upset look on your face and now Pamela is saying that Daya is crying because she made you upset? Is everything alright?”

Tamsin didn’t answer for a few moments, but realized that she wasn’t going to go away until she got an answer. She opened her mouth to tell Emily that yes, everything was fine, she was fine, she just got a little freaked out. But she couldn’t. Because she would be lying to the one person who was most qualified to help her with this sort of thing.

“I… I don’t know.” She answered semi-honestly. Truth be told, no, nothing was alright right now, but… that made it sound worse than it probably was.

“I see…” Emily replied softly. There were a few seconds of silence before she spoke again. “Can I come in?”

Tamsin swallowed. “Yeah sure.” Emily opened the door, and observed the scene. She saw Tamsin, sitting at her desk, the flower crown in front of her. Emily’s eyes then drifted up to the calendar, and understanding filled her face.

“Oh sweetie…” She crossed over to Tamsin and pulled her into a hug. “I completely forgot that was today. I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” A few years ago, she would have said no. But Emily had never judged her before, had never said anything until she was finished talking.

She nodded. “Yes please…”

~

Daya was kind of a crier, that was for certain. It wasn’t that she cried a lot, she just cried more than her sisters. That was just her way of reacting to upsetting situations, and honestly, Pamela didn’t blame her. She herself was a bit of a crier as well. Pamela knew her kids by now, and if Daya was upset, there was probably a good reason for it. She was trying to console the child, telling her that it was okay, she did nothing wrong. But Daya didn’t seem to believe her, no matter what she said.

“I made Tammy upset.” She sniffed, trying to wipe away her tears with her hands. “I was just trying to help but I made her even more upset than she already was.”

Pamela felt her heart jerk around in her chest. “Oh baby, it’s okay. You didn’t mean to. Tamsin had a bad night, it’s not your fault.” Pamela knew that Tamsin had experienced nightmares again. She could always tell, because Tamsin would come downstairs looking more tired than when she had gone to sleep, and refuse to talk to anyone during breakfast. Sometimes she tried to hide it, and maybe it would have fooled some people, but Pamela had already learned on Virgo. She knew the signs by now.

Tamsin hadn’t even bothered trying to hide it today, she was far too tired to even try it, and Pamela knew why. Today was her mother’s birthday, after all, and the anniversary of the accident. Poor dear was probably going to lock herself in her room all day and refuse to come out for anything, not even to take care of herself. Virgo sometimes experienced something similar, but for different reasons. Different kinds of occasions and different types of emotions. Between the two of them, Pam was always aware of when someone was feeling down, even without Emily’s empathic abilities.

“Pamela.” A new voice came from the door to the house. Pamela turned around to see Emily standing on the deck uncertainly. When she saw Pamela’s head turn, she walked towards her with a tired smile on her face, walking down the stairs and onto the grassy path.

She stopped in front of Pam, and Pam could see her smile turn a bit more genuine. “I managed to calm Tamsin down. She’s doing okay, the colors of the flowers just triggered a bad memory. Renae and I are going to get her out of the house for a bit, she needs it.” She then turned and knelt down so that she was eye level with daya. She looked Her directly in the eye, and spoke, calm and steady.

“Tamsin is in no way mad at you for what you did. She’s glad that you tried to help her, and sorry if she upset you. She’s still a bit too shaken to come out and talk to you herself, but just know that she’s going to be fine, and there’s no need to worry.” She reached out and tucked a loose lock of her wily hair behind her ear.

Daya looked up, her expression all cautious hope. “Really?” She asked, her voice small and barely more than a whisper. 

Emily nodded and pressed a kiss to her head. “Really, sweetheart.” She smiled at Pamela. “We’ll be back in a bit, don’t worry. Try not to get yourselves killed while we’re gone.”

“I thought sarcasm was Renae’s thing.” Pamela replied without hesitation. Emily just laughed and walked back into the house.

~

Tamsin and Emily ended up driving to the cemetery after their talk. Renae was also there, because Tamsin was pretty sure the only time the two of them were ever apart was when Renae stayed behind on missions. Tamsin had the flower crown in her lap, even though both Renae and Emily had offered to carry it themselves. But it was fine, she could handle this, at least. They pulled into the parking lot of their destination, and Tamsin unbuckled her seatbelt. 

She hadn’t wanted to just throw Daya’s flower crown out, Daya had worked hard on it and she didn’t want to get rid of it just like that, that would be kind of rude. Still, she didn’t like the idea of letting it sit around her room, serving as a reminder of the most awful day of her life.

She climbed out of the car and walked up to her guardians, still clutching the flower crown carefully. The three of them entered the burial ground together, and Tamsin tried hard not to look at the other graves. She was already depressed enough right now, she didn’t need to think about dead people she didn’t know.

After walking for a little bit, she stopped in front of a specific pair of graves, and knelt down beside them. Ethan and Daisy Sanders, her parents. After she had been adopted by the Picanis, she had adopted their last name on all legal documents. According to them, she was now Tamsin Picani. But she never really used their last name. 

She still introduced herself as Tamsin Sanders, and she still thought of herself like that. Part of it was not wanting people to instantly realize that she was the child of Emily and Renae Picani, she wanted people to get to know her first before they figured that out after all, but the other part was that it never truly felt right.

Tamsin knelt down by her parents’ graves, not exactly sure what she was doing or why but staying there all the same. She didn’t move for a few minutes, and barely reacted when Emily placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. It was silent in the graveyard, far too silent. It was unnatural, not even animals would come here. She had no doubt they could smell death.

She looked down at the flower crown in her lap, and gently picked it up. She set it in the space between her parents’ headstones, and felt a bit of satisfaction. That felt right, and if her parents were still alive, she knew they would have loved the flower crown. If anyone asked her, she would neither confirm nor deny that she had been crying. But if we’re all being completely honest, she was. She definitely was.

She tilted her head towards the sky, as if she might catch a glimpse of her parents up there. Smiling shakily, she wiped the tears from her face. “Happy birthday, Mom.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> You thought this was going to be a fluffy fic? HA
> 
> In all honesty, this was going to be fluffy. I tried to make it fluffy. But I also really wanted to hint at Tamsin's backstory here and it ended up being angsty.
> 
> Next Up: Tamsin's backstory


End file.
